The girl in the bar
was chatty and fun
and gave me her number that night.
She said "This was fun,
we must do it again,
be sure to text me alright?"
So I text her next week
to say "fancy a meet?"
And she text back to say "Sure"
So I text back to say
"What time and what day?"
And then she text back no more
The next time I saw her
I grated her face
and chopped her tongue out with a knife
and told her "If someone sends you a text,
be sure to reply cos you're lucky to escape with your life!"Then there was the man
who I thought was quite cute
so I wrote him a sweet little note.
I waited some time
for a reply to my rhyme
with my tummy all squiggly with hope.
As the weeks went by
with no whisper or sign
I thought "Maybe he just hasn't read it"
So I pulled on my coat,
set off down the road
and went along to pay him a visit.
To say he wasn't surprised
would be a big lie
cos he actually looked fairly stunned
I said "Have you read it,
my sweet little message?"
He said "Yes" so I got out my gun.
I shot him in the faceat point blank range
getting brains all over my dress.
I told him politely
if he'd replied to my message
he wouldn't be in this fine mess.
Cos if I take the time
to compose you a rhyme
the least you can do is reply.
It takes two seconds to say
"Thanks but no thanks,
it was lovely to meet you.
Goodbye"
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